You Know You're Old When...
Lately, aging has been on my mind. I guess it has something to do with the fact that I recently, after a long layoff due to injury, started exercising again. Let me tell you, there's nothing like the morning after that first workout (when rigormortis sets in) to remind you that you're no longer in the prime of your life.
So, after the soreness of that first workout went away, when I could actually move again, I took inventory of myself: grey hair, a bigger gut than I'd like to admit, gelatin for muscles, no wind (except after eating certain foods), a hairline that's saying, "adios," and on and on went the list.
Yet, people have scoffed at me when I've mentioned that old-age is rearing its ugly little head, and that set me to wondering, just how does one know when one is getting old?
After several intense seconds of thought, I think I've found the answer to this nagging question.
You know you're old when. . .
* a hot date consists of eating a certain fruit after it was heated in the microwave
* you quit plucking grey hairs from your head for fear of going bald
* you start doing the "comb-over" to hide your bald spot (after which, when telling you a secret, people whisper in your nose)
* over the years, the waist of your pants has slowly crawled up your torso until they now fit snugly under your pectorals
* your wardrobe consists mainly of clothes made from polyester
* the younger generation thinks Gone With the Wind is a story about a toupee in a tornado
* you realize that obtaining a middle-age-spread has nothing to do with buying a ranch
* the friends that call on you the most are Charley Horse, Ben Gay, and the Itis brothers--Arthur and Bruce
* you spend more money on Milk of Magnesia than you do on milk from the supermarket.
* the joints in your body more accurately predict the weather than the local meteorologist
* life in the fast-lane consists of paying for groceries at the express checkout
* your nose hair needs trimming more often than your scalp hairs
* at bed time you put your hair on a shelf, your eyes in a case, your ears on the dresser, and your teeth in a cup
Yes, age, it is said, is a state of mind. I just wish I could remember what state I left my mind in.
+of+Picture+5.jpg)
18 comments:
"Age, it is said, is a state of mind. I just wish I could remember what state I left my mind in."
You hit the nail on the head and I had to smile at the list, but the ending. It good to know I am not alone. I dare say, don't forget about climbing stairs!
I can SO identify with #2. Controlling my grey, was pulling it out. But now I'm finding too many and the coloring kit may just have to come out.
I thought of another one...but...uh...well, it seems to have slipped my mind. Oh well, that seems to be happening an awful lot lately!
I knew I was old when I was singing along with every song on the oldies station and saying "hey this song isnt old!
I've found the secret to staying young. Go out and do something you enjoyed when you were 18. Like parking and necking. Of course be sure you have popped a couple of Advil or have an appointment with the chiropractor for the following day!
You're only as old as you feel. I feel ten years older than I really am. (Darn Kids!)
Great post! I have had more people comment on my gray & white hairs lately ... that is a sure sign for me!
As long as you are on this side of the DIRT... it is a GOOD DAY! ~ jb///
Funny! I may have to use this. Thank God for Miss Clairol! Now, if they could only make bifocals into contact lenses...
I was lol about the picking gray hairs out of your head for fear of growing bald one....
Sent you an e-mail to say I couldn't get to your blog, but obviously I found it!
LOL, you are SO right Doug!!
Hope you are feeling better about your exercising now and all is well.
Funny.
I have to say, with a bit of pride, that I can't relate to most things on the list...yet.
I know.
I'll get mine.
Hey, these are pretty clever! :)
You just reminded me to start exercising again before my body won't cooperate anymore and it's all down hill from there.
Let me add to your list.
You know you are getting old when, chatting up the cute guy, sitting on the bus next to you, you realize he is young enough, that he could be your son.
I realized that I was old when I had to put on my reading glasses to eat.
I found you on Mellissa's blog.
This is hilarious! And right on the money. And I guess what makes it so is the fact that I can relate to what you're saying.
(ah, but think of all the great eras we've lived through!)
I don't think I am legally old enough to relate to as many of the comments on here as I do. D'ang! Oh well - at least we know we are all in this together.
And I'm still plucking the grey hairs... damn if I will ever go bald I have enough hair for four people on the top of my head. =)
Meg
So funny! I like the "wearing your pants just below your pectorals" comment best of all :)
my mom used to say (im nearly 55 now & shes passed) - that you know youre an old woman when... you leave a public restroom and see people smiling at you & you wonder why, then look down and realize you have toilet paper trailing out the leg of your pants or from under your dress/skirt - believe U me - its finally happened to me LOL
Post a Comment