Looks Can Be Deceiving

It’s been said that looks can be deceiving. Uncle Billy Roy Silas learned this lesson one Thanksgiving, long ago.

Uncle Billy and his fiancé Betsy Ann, were married two days before the Thanksgiving holiday in 1931. Because of the great depression, they couldn’t afford a honeymoon. Since neither of them had family close enough to visit, they thought it would be nice to invite some of Billy’s co-workers and friends over for Thanksgiving dinner.

“Y’all just wait,” Uncle Billy told his buddies. “Why Betsy Ann is the finest cook this side of Dixon County. My mouth’s just a waterin’ thinkin’ about all the good food we’re gonna eat.”

Billy Roy knew what he was talking about too. Before they were married, he’d hop the train on the weekends and endure the two and a half hour ride to Hawk Hollow just to visit Betsy and her family. While he was there, Aunty Betsy did all the cooking for the clan to try and impress Billy. It must have worked for within three weeks after his first visit they were engaged and two and a half weeks later, they were married. Yip, ole Billy loved to eat, and Miss Betsy and her momma cleverly lured him into wedded bliss through platefuls of collards and greens, fried chicken, fat back, grits, cakes, etc. The only thing that puzzled Billy Roy was that Betsy’s momma seemed to disappear shortly after he arrived and said his hellos, and she didn’t return until dinner was about to be served. Other than that she was very friendly toward him but it left him wondering if he met with her approval.

Like I mentioned earlier, Uncle Billy and Aunt Betsy were married just a couple of days before the Thanksgiving holiday, and luckily, they had received a lot of food stuffs from their families to help them get their new life started. So, Betsy really didn’t have to do much cooking those first few days of marriage, and she could concentrate on preparing a nice holiday dinner for her new husband and their guests.

Company began arriving at 11 a.m. that Thanksgiving morning. Betsy Ann was fluttering around the kitchen and dining area putting the finishing touches on the much bragged about dinner; she wanted everything to be just perfect for the gala event.

On the table was a nicely sliced, buttered golden-brown turkey, a two layered cake, apple turnovers, cranberry sauce, dressing, and many of the other standard eats for the occasion. After they all sat to the table and grace was said over the meal, the food was passed around.

It was about halfway through dinner when in mid conversation, Uncle Billy began acting strange. “You know yesterday …ack, cough, gasp!” Billy grabbed his throat with one hand while frantically sticking the index finger of his other hand deep into his throat. At first, the group thought Billy Roy was clowning around, but by the time his complexion turned from pink to purple, they realized this was no joke. Everyone jumped from their chairs and rushed over to help Billy open his airway, but before they could all get their fingers down his throat, Uncle Billy had dislodged the blockage.

You see, back in those days, before you cooked a turkey, you used twine to tie its legs together. Evidently, Aunt Betsy forgot to untie the legs before she sliced and served the bird, and Uncle Billy learned of her mistake the hard way by swallowing the twine, which caught on his tongue and cut off his airway.

With the near fatal accident behind them, dinner resumed. When it came time to eat the enormous turnovers, Billy couldn’t resist bragging about his wife’s cooking one more time. “Wow!” Look at the size of them thangs, would ya fellers?”

“Yeah boy,” responded Billy’s best friend John Robert, “and from what you be a sayin’, Billy Roy, I’ll bet they taste as good as they look.” And with that, John stuck a fork into the one Betsy had just served him. Poof, the turn over deflated—it was all air.

A little red faced, Uncle Billy tried to salvage some pride by quickly serving the cake. He grabbed a knife to begin slicing the chocolate delight. The knife sailed through the first layer of cake just fine. But when the knife hit the second layer, it would go no further. Cut as he might, all Billy could do was smash the bottom half of the cake with the knife. “What the heck?!” For the life of him, Billy couldn’t figure out why that silly knife wouldn’t slice that bottom layer of cake.

It was about that time when Betsy hollered from the kitchen, “Hey Billy, have you seen two brown and white hot pads? I can’t find them anywhere!”

Mumbling some indistinguishable words, Uncle Billy tore into the cake with his hands. Yip, Aunt Betsy had somehow left the hot pads between the two layers of cake.

Billy went to bed that night mystified at the change in his bride’s cooking. It makes you wonder where Betsy’s momma quietly slipped off to those weekends long ago when Billy Ray came a courtin’, doesn’t it?