Welcome to Floriduuuh

Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy living in Florida, but we seem to be a magnet for idiots. Just look at our record. It hasn’t been good.

Remember the “bear tunnels” I wrote about, the ones built under busy thoroughfares to keep the bears from crossing the roads (roads built across paths that bears had been roaming for eons) and getting hit?

Of course the bears, being the creatures of habit that they are, ignore the tunnels (and the signs strategically pointing them out) built for them and continue to cross interstates and turnpikes, occasionally getting killed. Yet the tunnels continue to be built . . . with our tax dollars! Who was it that said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result?

And let’s not forget the state senator who, just a couple of years ago, tried to pass a law making it criminal for restaurants to run out of toilet paper. Yes, he spent tax payer money to draw up and try to pass a law making it criminal for eating establishments to run out of pooper scooper. Fortunately, the proposal didn’t get any traction and was never seriously considered. Hmmm, got to be a metaphor in there somewhere, don’t you think?

Anyway, it makes one wonder what the name would be of a department charged with enforcing such a law, the Poop Patrol? I don’t even want to know what the punishment would be for violating the law.

Now who can forget the presidential election of 2000, when our fair state held up the election of a new president because people who seemed to have had no problems punching bingo cards had difficulty punching election ballots? I’m surprised the term hanging-chad isn’t in the dictionary as a new word—when teaching school, I had a Chad or two I would’ve loved to have hung, but that’s another story for another time.

Want more proof that I Florida attracts dummies? Look at what some genius did when tropical storm Fay swung across, through, up, down, etc., our lovely state. Some of you might’ve seen a video clip of this on the news or online.

In Fort Lauderdale, a young man in his mid-twenties decided that tropical storm winds would be ideal conditions for windsurfing. So when Fay whipped on by, he was at the beach ready and waiting for her.

Fortunately for us (I have to admit, when I saw this on TV I literally rolled off my bed from laughter; hey, when guys witness something painful happen to other guys, short of death of course, we go into hysterics, practically wetting our pants.), a news crew was setting up to report on the storm just as this knucklehead went flying through the air. It was all caught on tape.

Well, this windsurfer dude was whipped up into the air about 20 feet or more, flying at a very fast rate of speed, when all of a sudden the wind slammed him face first into the sand. The wind whipped him up into the air about 20 or more feet again, and at a fast rate of speed sent him sailing several yards . . . right into the side of a building.

The man was rushed to the hospital where he was reported to be in critical condition. His mother later said that he was doing better, had some cracked vertebra and swelling of the brain. He couldn’t remember the incident at all. Momma should show him a video of it to discourage him from entertaining any more bright ideas (update: brilliant windsurfer man was interviewed the other day by the media and says he’d do it again. He'd just stop a little earlier—-yeah, like when the wind smashed you face first into the beach, before slamming you into a building?! Stupie).

As a final bit of proof that our fair state is a magnet for idiots, I offer you what the aforementioned news crew saw while finishing the setup of their equipment, right after this incident took place . . . more people on the beach attempting to surf the winds of tropical storm Fay!

So, ladies and gentlemen of the jury as you consider these five separate incidents as proof that as a whole the population of Florida is at least one clown short of a circus, keep one more thing in mind; I live here.

Have you read any of my posts? I rest my case.