Just Say No!
As many of you know, I was a teacher a few years back. One particular school (a private one) where I taught invited the County Health Department to come speak to our middle-school kids. At the end of the meeting these health care workers handed the kids and faculty the pamphlet (mainly written for girls) 101 Ways to Say No to Sex. Seriously, as if “NO!” isn’t enough.
Now, the suggestions listed in the pamphlet were so ludicrous that once I established in my students’ minds that NO means NO, discussion over; we proceeded to have a little fun with the booklet. What follows are some of the more ridiculous ideas in the pamphlet on how to say no to sex and our responses to them.
1) “I’m allergic to sex.” Are you kidding me?! Even an idiot knows this is bogus. Besides, a guy would trump that with “take an allergy pill, baby.”
2) “How about a backrub instead?” Let me try to wrap my mind around this one. Some poor little girl has on her hands a hot-blooded teen-age boy, whose libido is in overdrive and begging to perform the horizontal mumbo (of which she does not want to be a part), and instead of “just say no” she’s to tell the boy she’d rather he put his hands under her blouse and braw strap and give her a backrub. RIIIIIIGHT! That’s like having a stick of dynamite with a very short fuse in one hand, a lighted match in the other, and seeing how close together you can bring them without igniting the dynamite! Not really what you’d call a smart idea.
3) “I don’t know you well enough.” Oh, come on! Guys figured out the answer to this one back when we were still walking on all fours, “What better way to get to know each other?”
4) “I have homework.” Lame, lame, lame. You see, a guy will offer to help the girl out with her homework if they first have sex (and if you believe that I have some swamp land I’ll sell you), or he’ll come up with some unsubstantiated fact like, “Hey, pounding a Posture Pedic will clear your mind so you’ll work faster, and more accurately.”
5) “I know your reputation.” The classic retort to this one has several variations, but as a whole it goes something like, “Ah baby, don’t believe all those stories. They’re not true. They were started by a jealous ex-girlfriend for dumping her. I’m not a player. Honest, I’m not.” Let’s refer to Shakespeare for this one: me thinks he doth protest too much.
6) “I’m tired.” Response, “You’ll sleep so much better after a 'romp in the hay' and I’ll hold you afterward while you sleep.” Suuuuure he will.
7) “I have a headache.” This is the oldest excuse known to man and so is the response, “There’s no better cure, baby.”
8) “I don’t feel well.” See retort to number seven. Oh, and a guy might, for good measure, add a little extra to his response, “it’s a good way to relax, release pent up frustration, anger, and anxiety. You’ll feel so much better afterward, I promise.”
9) "Someone might catch us.” Rest assured this was not a random idea that had just popped into the guy’s mind. No, he’s probably thought this out very carefully and has set out all kinds of, if you’ll pardon the expression, booby traps that will make a loud racket, warning them that they’re about to experience coitus interruptus.
10) “I don’t want to get pregnant.” Condom to the rescue! Odds are the boy will have one in his wallet. Remember? This was not random thought; he came prepared.?
11) “You won’t respect me afterward.” Of course, the guy will assure her that he will respect her and he’ll even fake like he does, until she stops putting out. Then he’ll be no where to be found and neither will his so-called respect for her.
12) “I’m not in the mood.” Look, we’re talking about an over-sexed teenage boy with a ramped up libido. She doesn’t need to be in the mood, he’ll do all the work. As far as he’s concerned, while he’s getting his jollies she can go over her homework in her mind.
13) “Let’s get our blood tested first.” Sobering retort, one that’ll stop a guy dead in his tracks--if he’s an amateur; otherwise, he’ll play the “I’m hurt. Don’t you trust me?” card. And if she’s an amateur, one look at his big, sad eyes, his quivering chin and quaking voice, and she’ll melt, forgetting all about blood tests.
In the end, the bottom line is what I emphasized to my students, NO! means NO! That’s all a person needs to say. That’s all a person needs to hear. End of lecture.Just Say No!
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7 comments:
hysterical, who gave these suggestions? Desire died in the mind that formulated these long before WWII was finished.
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REALLY! I don't think my great-grandmother could have come up with excuses this lame! WHAT century were the people from that wrote this pamphlet?
(It IS funny, though, isn't it?)
I have to say that I have used some of these excuses and they did work to stop guys from going past anything that I wanted them to do..... maybe I was just so persuasive,,,,,hummm,,, or it was good enough for them just to get what they could from me....lol very funny adlibs and commentary from you though Doug!!!! enjoyed it...
Even when you say no you will have to repeat it several times before the guy gets it through is head.
I don't think that pamphlet was much help!! Guys seem to have an answer for anything a female can come up with. If they don't have an answer they'll make one up!!
LOL
Those really are lame and comical.
I suggest that girls just say this, "I really want to do it, but I'm wondering if those big sores I have down there are contagious."
Chances are the guy will suddenly remember that HE has some homework to get to. :)
O.k. Doug we need to borrow you over here to talk to my sons class. My 11 year old son is so grossed out by the girlfriend and boyfriend thing right now. I not that will change very soon. He says that the 5th graders are kissing. Now what the heck is up with that?
I will remember this when we talk to him about saying no... or if no is said to him.
lol
Take care xx
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