The Birds, the Bees, and the T.V. Make Three

One of the toughest jobs for parents is teaching children the "facts of life." For some, there seems to be a natural barrier between parents and children when it comes to this part of rearing kids, but I've found a solution to this problem.

Television.

That's right, television.

If you're a parent who finds it difficult to discuss this subject with your children but do not want them learning about the birds and the bees by reading the graffiti in public restrooms, then television might be the answer to your dilemma.

All you have to do is set your children in the T.V. room and make sure they are nice and comfy. Then turn on the television set. Believe me, an hour of watching television will teach your children more about the birds and the bees than you could ever teach them in your lifetime.
Commercials, alone, can give children a smorgasbord of information. Any subject from underclothing to hemorrhoids to constipation to personal-hygiene products--television commercials cover them all.

Heck, even the terminology that kids pick up by watching television commercials is astounding. When I was in grammar school, I had never heard of the term contraceptive. Thanks to the great educator, television, I found myself one day answering the question,"Dad, what's a contraceptive?" My youngest son, who was just 7 at the time, was the one posing the question.
My mouth went dry; my face suddenly became red hot; and beads of sweat flowed from every pore, soaking my clothes, as I contemplated this most delicate question. After considerable thought--which took about three or four seconds--I decided to answer my son's question in a mature manner but on a level that the boy could understand.

"A contraceptive, son, is a South American rebel who is not receptive to his country's policies and is involved in trying to overthrow the government. The word contra means against, and ceptive means receptive or to cooperate. Hence, contraceptive means to be not receptive or to be uncooperative."

Hey, it worked for me. Of course, I had some fast explaining to do when youngest son spewed forth this information to his first-grade class when the class began studying the countries of South America.

Now, for older children, talk shows are a great aid for furthering their education about the facts of life. You know the shows. They'll have on a gal who used to be a guy but who now is a gal again and is engaged to a man (or she sure hopes he's a man) who just flat doesn't care.

Or those shows will have on a guy who used to be a gal whose husband left her when he found out that she was about to switch teams. Furthermore, after this person's surgery, she moved in with her male transsexual surgeon who used to be a famale orthopedic nurse. Try straightening that out for 9- and 10-year-olds.

Anymore, I don't get unnerved when my kids ask embarrassing questions concerning the birds and the bees.

Now, I just toss them a TV Guide.