Ain't Love Grand?

It was a trip of firsts. It was the first meeting with my fiancé’s family. It was the first time I saw Niagara Falls and Lake Ontario. It was my first visit to Eastern Canada, and it was my first experience with the inhumane winter weather of Toronto.

That's right. This Florida boy left his 70 plus degree Thanksgiving holiday temperature for five days of the cold, frigid, Canadian winter. And, as with many true Floridians, I had no winter clothing. Ain't love grand?

Since flying into Buffalo, New York and driving to Canada was much cheaper than flying directly to Toronto, we decided to meet in the States and drive the roughly two and half-hours, following much of the Lake Ontario shoreline, to Sweetie's home in Toronto.

Everything went off without a hitch. Even my flight was on time, and once the pilot gave us the OK to disembark, I grabbed my carry-on luggage and made my way out of the plane into the airport terminal, my eyes constantly searching for Sweetie.

We spotted each other at about the same time. She let out a shriek of excitement and came running toward me as I dropped my luggage and held out my arms to envelope her, a sweet reunion to be sure. I then gathered my belongings and we headed toward the airport parking lot.

"Holy Moly! How do you people live in this stuff?!" I cried as we were greeted outside the terminal with a sharp blast of subzero air, carried on the wings of a ferocious wind. It was as if the Gods of winter were mocking me, saying, "Welcome to Buffalo, you warm-blooded-softy-of-a-Floridian you. Oh, and for a dose of reality, here's a shot of real winter weather for you. HA!"

"Heck this is balmy. Wait until we get to my house," sweetie replied with a cat-who-ate-the-canary grin on her face. She'd forewarned me that she lived within walking distance of Lake Ontario, and the cold wet winds that blew off of the Lake could make an Eskimo's teeth chatter. Within a few hours, I was going to have the pleasure of experiencing it for myself. I could hardly wait.

Now, you just know that Sweetie couldn't find a parking spot as close to the entrance of the terminal as possible. Noooo, all she could find was a spot as far away as one could get from the building (I secretly believe it was a sadistic plot on her part to pay me back for bragging about the warm Florida sunshine I had been enjoying back home). By the time we reached her vehicle, I felt like a side of beef in a meat locker.

"On our way out of town, would you like to stop and walk around the Falls [Meaning Niagara Falls of course]?" she asked--by the way, when Viagra doesn't work for a man, is that called Viagra Falls? But I digress. Oh, what a wicked sense of humor she had. She knew that once her auto's heater began working its magic and the marrow in my bones actually thawed, nothing short of divine intervention was going to get me out of that vehicle. No, I was just fine viewing the Falls from the van, thank you very much.

Sweetie's comparison of Buffalo's cold versus Toronto's was right. Compared to the cold wind that blew off of Lake Ontario, the weather in Buffalo was more than balmy it was down right summer like! You see, not far from her home we stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple of items. As I opened the car door and stepped outside I suddenly realized I'd made a huge mistake.

Now, you have to understand, I was used to stepping out into the heat from a cool, air-conditioned car, not the other way around. Out of habit, I'd stepped right out into that screaming Lake Ontario winter wind without a coat! If I could have moved my frozen lips I would have let out a horrific scream, stemming from the pain of having all my bodily fluids solidified by the wicked blast of arctic air that dang near knocked the breath out of me.

After Sweetie maneuvered my rigor-mortis like body back inside the van and tightly shut the door, I thawed out and pulled on my thinly insulated leather jacket. It wasn't much but it was all I had, and you can believe me when I tell you it was of little help. It did, however, provide just enough protection from the wind to prevent frost bite while quickly moving between store and vehicle.

Well, as you might guess, while visiting that frozen tundra of a country, I was the butt of many a winter joke. I couldn't count the times I was asked, "is it cold enough for ya?" And if I had a Canadian Loonie for every time I heard, "bet you don't get weather like this down in Florida, ay?" I would have a nice little nest egg when retire.

But do you think I learned my lesson and refused to go back up there until summer thawed everything out--somewhere around August, I believe? Not a chance. Heck, before I left that winter wonderland for home I'd booked a flight from Orlando to Toronto for Christmas day.

As I said, ain't love grand?

NOTE: The above mentioned relationship went the way of the Canadian winter, cold.