Forty-Nine and Holding; Well, Pausing Anyway

Monday, October 22nd, I will officially be one year away from that golden age of 50. Fifty! I’m not sure how I feel about that. Heck, I’m not even sure how I got here. One day I’m a kid playing army in the woods with my buddies, and the next thing I know I’m turning 49.

But up until now I haven’t had a problem with getting older. There are many milestones to look forward to with age: Driving and dating at age 16; high school graduation, attending college, moving into your own place with your own rules at 18, and then of course the big 21, adulthood!

We so looked forward to that milestone, didn’t we? That is until we reached it and learned a hard truth--at age 21 you’re really just a “young adult,” too wet behind the ears for your opinions to count much by the more “experienced” adults, those who fall into the 30 and older bracket. So of course, after our 21st birthday, we couldn’t wait until we reached 30.

For some the big four zero is one of the more dreaded birthdays. I think it’s because when you’re in your forties you’re in a sort of a “no man’s land” of the aging process. You’re not yet an old geezer, but you’re passing the threshold of no return when it comes to attracting and dating the 20-something-year-olds.

But age 50, man that’s a whole other story. Fifty is the gateway to old fart alley. By age 50, unless you can find a way to stretch your arms farther away from your body when trying to read the menu your holding, you’re forced to get reading glasses.

The memory at 50 starts slipping too. You and your siblings will remember the same past incidents far differently from one another and even end up in arguments over who did what and when.

If you’re single at age 50 the desire to date the 20 and 30-something-year-old crowd begins to wane as you realize you have socks older than them. In fact, when you look at those youngsters you find yourself wondering if they have a single mom/dad and if so, more often than not, that single parent is more attractive to you than the kid!

Ah but not to fear, my friends. There are pluses awaiting you when you become a mature adult, the politically correct term for having one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.

You get to join AARP. You get discounts at restaurants, picture shows, theme parks and, as discussed in a previous post of mine, you get a free pass on socially unacceptable behavior. Things like belching, sneezing in your pants (passing gas), and crankiness are written off as behavior that comes with old age. You can even ignore people who are talking to you without offending them. They’ll just figure you’re hard of hearing or your mind's zoned out to “la, la land,” typical and frequent occurrences for old geezers.

Believe it or not even senility, which one tends get as one travels down the road of senior citizenship, has its advantages. You get to make new friends and meet new family members every day.

You can also hide your own Easter Eggs, give yourself birthday and Christmas presents and genuinely be surprised (“From me to me. Oh boy, wonder what it is!”) when you open them.

So for all of you who, like me, are closing in on the half century mark of your life, don’t fear it, don’t be 49 and holding. Instead, concentrate on the positives that await you as you pass that milestone.

Now you’ll have to excuse me, I want to pause for a moment and reflect on the first 49 years of my life…before I forget them.