Things That Drive Me Crazy

One of the things that drive me crazy is stupid commercials. One particular commercial is for a laxative of which the narrator on the promo says that it works over night, while you’re sleeping? No, no, no, no, no, when that stuff kicks in I want to be awake…and ready to rumble, no surprises while in a deep slumber, thank you very much.

Another thing that drives me crazy is questions that I have no answers to, questions like, can a woman’s basketball team play man-to-man defense? Why do we park in a driveway and drive in a parkway? Can a person who holds both a medical and a law degree sue himself for malpractice?

Stupid crooks also irritate me. I mean, how dumb does one have to be to rob a Dollar Store? Believe it or not this has actually happened here a couple of times. Note to stupid crooks: IT’S A DOLLAR STORE! It’s not Fort Knox you morons. Just how much money did you think was going to be in there anyway?

Moving right along, like many citizens, government stupidity and waste also drives me nuts. Case-in-point, the other day I learned that in the not too distant past the United States Air Force had been working on a gay sex bomb. No, you didn’t misread that. Our Air Force tried to build a bomb containing “stuff” (exactly what the “stuff” is I haven’t a clue) in it that would turn enemy soldiers into gay lovers. What, like you drop a few of these suckers on enemy troops and of a sudden they throw down their weapons and “make love not war” with each other? It’s nice to see our taxes at work, isn’t it? Hey, here’s a news flash for the Air Force, even if you could somehow create such a weapon, no matter what people’s sexual preferences are it doesn’t prevent them from taking up arms and shooting at people who are trying to kill them! It’s called instinct of survival.

While we’re on the subject of stupidity and waste in the military, this one just slays me, a while back it was reported that the military, which has being criticized for its fighting tactics in Iraq, had printed and distributed to our soldiers a pamphlet on how to engage the enemy in an ethical and humane way. Humane and ethical ways to engage the enemy, are you kidding me? We’re talking about shooting and bombing people, snuffing out their lives! I didn’t know there was a humane and ethical way to do that.

Hmmmmm, maybe we should distribute this pamphlet among criminals in hopes they’ll “engage” their victims in an ethical and humane way, or even better, we can put the ingredients of the Gay Sex Bomb into a pocket canister so when accosted by someone we can spray them with it . . . it’s just a thought.

One last thing that drives me crazy is the little “look-on-the-bright-side-of-life” sayings people tell me when I’m out of sorts. Like when experiencing a major change in life, inevitably, in the middle of fussing over that change, someone will regurgitate the age-old adage, “Change is good.” I agree, especially when things change BACK to the way I liked them in the first place!

Or when I’m moaning and groaning about something I don’t have and someone recites the old proverb, “I complained because I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet.” Yeah, well, I then complained because the man with no feet got the better parking spots!

So there you have it, just a few of the things in life that drive me crazy, and though for me that drive is a short one, aren’t you glad you came along for the ride?