Kids Say the Darnedest Things

Throughout one’s life, misunderstandings are inevitable. That’s just the way life is. Sometimes these misunderstandings can be amusing, like the time I caused my parents immense embarrassment from a misunderstanding when I was just four years old.

My dad was working long hours so my parents had to make good use of what little free time they had to discuss family matters, plan things, etc. So, it was not unusual, while dad was taking his evening shower, for mom to slip into the bathroom, take up a seat on the counter, and chat with dad.

One particular evening, while mom was chatting with dad as he showered, the phone rang. Unfortunately for my parents, I answered it.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hi there, is your daddy home?” a man asked.

“Yes, but he’s in the shower.”

“Well, is your mother home?”

“Yes.” I answered.

“Can I speak to her?”

“She’s in the shower with my daddy.” To my young mind, two people, a bathroom, and running water added up to a two-person shower.

Now this, of course, was rather embarrassing for my folks (you have to realize this took place during a period in time when talking of such things as a man and woman showering together was a social taboo), but what made it even more humiliating was that the caller was our local clergy.

I just couldn’t understand why my parents were red in the face the next Sunday when they shook hands with him at church, nor could I understand why our clergy had such a big grin on his face as my parents sheepishly said hello to him.

Then there was the time when I gave my first grade teacher cause for deep concern about my upbringing. It was during a time in my life my when my grandfather, whom I idolized, had taken a partial retirement from his job, with plans for a full retirement in the near future.

Well, the whole family was excited for gramps. Now he’d have more leisure time to do more of the things he loved to do: camping, fishing, hunting, puttering around the house, just to name a few.

Caught up in all of the excitement, I just had to share with my classmates what was going on in the life of my hero. So, one morning, during show and tell, I stood in front of the class and proudly announced that my grandfather was partially retarded and things were going to be even better for him because soon he’d be fully retarded.

My children, I fear, have followed in their father’s footsteps. You see, a few years back, when my sons were little I was discussing the subject of life and death with them. Youngest son asked me to explain to him what a baby’s umbiblical cord was and middle son asked a question about the Grand Raper who comes to get you when you die.

You don’t suppose it’s an inherited thing do you?