One Squirrelly New Years Eve

Traditionally, New Years Eve is a time of celebration for many people, and for Uncle Billy Roy Silas and Aunt Betsy it was no different. So, when Billy Roy and Betsy received two invitations to attend two different New Years parties, they couldn't begin to express their delight.

The first invitation was to Billy Roy's company party. The second one was to Granny and Grandpa Chimchuck's family get together. Tempting as it was to attend the company party, if for no other reason than to find out what a horse derv (hors d'ouevvre) was, Billy and Betsy knew they would be sorry if they missed the Chimchuck party. As Billy Roy would say, "Thars somthin' always a goin' on thar."

By the time Uncle Billy and Aunt Betsy arrived at the party Granny Chimchuck, along with most of the other women, was busy restoring her kitchen to its proper order. It never failed, after the grand kids, great grand kids, cousins, nephews, and nieces finished with the annual fudge making and taffy pulling, Granny Chimchuck's kitchen was virtually decimated.

Once the kitchen was put back, the board games were pulled out of moth balls and set up at various card tables for the youngsters to play. Invariably, eight-year-old Scooter Chimchuck (the youngest of the grandchildren) and Granny would end up at the same card table, opposing each other in a game. Now, before you get to wondering what's wrong with a grandmother and her grandson playing a game together, you have to understand that both Granny and Scooter weren't good losers. To complicate matters, both of them always had their own set of rules to the games, and these rules were usually made up as the contest progressed. Naturally, Granny and Scooter always ended up in heated debates over who broke what rule and what was or wasn't a real rule to begin with. Inevitably, the game ended with Scooter's mom chewing both of them out and putting the game back in moth balls before a winner could ever be determined.

Anyway, this particular New Years party turned out to be one of the most fun parties Billy and Betsy ever attended. You see, it was a tradition in the family that at 11:55 p.m. Grandpa Chimchuck would grab his shot gun, step out on the back porch, and shoot his rifle into the air at the stroke of midnight.

Well, Billy Roy's favorite cousin, Jefferson Robert Tartin, approached Billy with what he considered to be a great joke to play on Gramps. "Hey Billy," he said. "Downstairs in Gramps freezer is a couple of frozen squirrels he's been a savin' fer some time now [Grandpa Chimchuck loved his squirrel meat and always had a stock of them in the freezer]. I gotta an idee of what we can do with one of 'em fer a joke on ol' Grampy."

Billy liked Jeff Robert's idea and at around 11:30 p.m. they began to implement their plan. After putting on a pair of gloves, they snuck down to the basement and pulled out a frozen, skinned, squirrel. Quietly, they made their way outside where Billy Roy, squirrel in hand, shimmied up the huge walnut tree that hung over the back porch. Once Billy was in place, he waited for Grandpa Chimchuck to step outside with his shotgun.

Somewhere between 11:55 p.m. and midnight, Gramps stepped out of the house, shotgun in hand. When the big clock in the house began its 12 loud bongs, announcing the arrival of the new year, Grampy pointed his rifle straight up into the air and gently squeezed the trigger. BOOM!The night air was pierced with the resounding blast of the shotgun, and within seconds of the blast a dead, skinned squirrel fell from the walnut tree, landing at Grandpa's feet.

"Well, I'll be switched. Hey, ever'body, looky here. Now that there is some fine shootin', huh?!" he called out.

Try as they may, the family couldn't convince Grampy Chimchuck that it wasn't his fancy shooting that brought down and skinned the squirrel all at the same time. Finally, after all efforts to persuade Gramps that somebody had played a trick on him were exhausted, one by one family members traipsed back inside the house.

After awhile, Grampa Chimchuck sauntered into the living room, "Next fall," he announced to the family, "I'm a gonna shoot that ole shotgun in the air and see if'n I cain't bring down a plucked turkey for Thanksgivin'."

Billy Roy and Jeff Robert looked at each other and knew what the other was thinking, "how the heck are we gonna shimmy up that tree with a 25 lbs. turky?" But that's a whole other story.