Feeling a Little Crotchity

A memo to guys of all ages across the world: KEEP YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR CROTCH! What, are you all members of the Michael Jackson (rest his soul) crotch-grabbing club? I don't know about anybody else but I'm tired of seeing guys grabbing their "Mr. Rodgers and his neighborhood" everywhere I go. Guys, if you have an irresistible itch use the bathroom. If you need to check if "it's" still there use the bathroom. For what ever reason you might have for grabbing yourself use the bathroom! A little decorum goes a long way. I'm just saying

A Quick Thought

A while back I wrote mentioned that I was happy that we don't go through the same process of recognizing and greeting each other as dogs do. You know, sniffing each other's behinds (of course it would be easy to avoid people you don't like just by using scented toilet paper."I could've sworn that was Jim but I don't recall his butt smelling like a pine forrest.")

Well, today I discovered another reason to be glad I'm part of the human race, and it has to do with courting rituals. You see, during mating season, to make themselves smell more masculine to the ladies, the bull elk rolls in his own, as opposed to someone else's, urine. What a lovely thought.

When I was single I did some pretty crazy things all in the name of love but rolling in my own urine wasn't one of them. In fact, any woman, and I'm sure there are some out there (not to say there aren't any men who'd like doing it), who would want me to roll in my own urine before courting her would be the first one scratched off my list as a prospective significant other. I'm just saying.